Life is the messy bits

My wildest dreams came true tonight... Yes, you heard me right... they came true. Tonight, while my boys wrestled upstairs, in fact two hours later, it still sounds like they might come through the ceiling any minute, despite repeated but ignored warnings to the contrary. While they did their best to dismantle my room, while watching football, my daughter and I had our first Girls Movie Night. My three year old snuggled up in the recliner, and I snuggled up in the other chair (have I mentioned that I am STILL making payments on my couch?) and we watched "Letters to Juliet" together. At one point she asked me why the lady was crying... did her mom or dad leave her... but that is a very different blog.

Anyway, as we watched this movie, that made me laugh and cry, there was a fabulous line that Vanessa Redgrave says... She says to her grandson, Charlie, "life is the messy bits." I fell in love with that line.

Life is the pain, the loss, the frustration, the fighting for what is worth fighting for... it is the mess.

This week I had to go to court again. I won. However, someone that understands more than I ever thought they would, figured it out. That person texted me this morning and said "It is bittersweet." Even though the Judge upheld what she had previously ordered... and even though she ordered. the person I faced in Court do the right thing... it was very bittersweet. I would give anything to not have to fight. I hate conflict. I hate broken relationships. It seems that they are all around me. I would so much rather get along, and just do the right thing for the sake of the children. But, this week, life was messy. I have been discouraged, I have been angry, I have been tired... I came close once again to giving up.

How does all of this work out biblically? Well, God said we would have trials and tribulation (trouble and mess). He promised that there would be difficulty, possibly persecution, and in some cases, even death... and yet, He promised to be with us in the midst of it all. Basically, "life is the messy bits, but I will help you with the clean up."

I had a conversation with my oldest son earlier this week... he said "Mom, the worst thing you can do right now is give up on your faith in God." I explained to him that I was not giving up on my faith, but I was talking to God about my anger and my disappointment. I told him, "It's the same as when I get angry with you, I am upset about what you did or did not do, I might even yell at you, but I NEVER, EVER stop loving you or give up on my relationship with you." God is like that. He can handle our honesty, our anger, our mess.

However, here is the amazing thing about the messy bits of life... without them we would not appreciate the beauty that we experience. As Claire, in the movie, realized... her love found was so much sweeter because of the love lost. The experience tonight with my daughter was so much sweeter because I had given up on ever having a daughter. And, her whole life has been so sweet because we all experienced the loss of her brother's life. The loss of my marriage and the husband that I wish I had married.... are real. But, one day, the sweetness of the right man, who loves me beyond measure will be that much sweeter. Let me just go out on a limb and tell you what else I have realized. The relationship I have with my Savior is made that much sweeter because I have had to wrestle through the fear, the pain, the desire to give up my beliefs. However, I have realized that He is true, He is real, He is here with me. He has not left me alone, He has not forgotten my children and I, and more than anything... HE SEES and HE CARES about the pain we are dealing with. Life is the messy bits.

So get out there, live out the dreams, face the despair, feel the loss, oh and don't forget to live the joy, the beauty, the love, and the gifts. It is so wonderful. Smile, feel the wind in your hair and realize you ARE LIVING. Thank God for the mess.