Truth and myths

So, I received an anonymous comment on my blog. It is there for everyone to see, but I thought that I would address it. I must say, I have had two weeks to think about it, due to my forced silence (thank you again AT&T)


"Beka, As curious as I am about all you've been through and your personal journey, I fear you will regret making this such a public forum. Before more private details are devulged, I'm worried that the public nature of your blog is a further breech of your children's privacy and their childhood. Haven't they been through enough already?
I fully support your decision to blog, but could you not reap the same benefit blogging anonymously? Why do this publically? Love to you and yours... "


Now, on the one hand, this is a completely honest comment. It did indeed cause me to stop and think about what I am doing and saying. I also think this comment reveals a lot about the issue of domestic violence and the lies and secrets that are kept that people do not understand even now. I think that there is a great deal of naivete in the premise of this person's concern. Not sure what I mean? Well, let me explain. 
First (I will take this in order of statement), for those who really know me, you have probably figured out that there is very little that I hold back. I am pretty open... and yet, how many who knew me had any idea what was going inside my house and my marriage? This reveals so much of why I am choosing to speak out in a public forum. I have had so many women confess to me that they are either currently in an abusive relationship or have been and had the courage to leave. They have told me this because I have been open about what I have experienced. They have said that they have not told anyone else. They are confused, hurting physically, emotionally, spiritually. They are afraid... and for the ones that had the strength and courage to leave the relationship, they are just relieved, but not sure anyone would really believe what they experienced. Did you know that 1 in 4 women are abused in some form in their relationship with their significant other? That is a lot of women that are struggling, Did you know that for many of those women they will suffer in silence? That breaks my heart personally. I know what it is to suffer in silence. For 6 very long years I did not tell a soul what was happening to me. It was not until my abuser told me he was going to kill me and described exactly how he would do it, that I was able to realize I had to tell someone. I was terrified and could no longer handle everything on my own. The stigma of admitting that you have been a victim to violence at the hands of the person you love is humiliating. I want to speak out. I want women who might be suffering this pain in silence and fear to know that they are not the only one. That abuse is not confined to the non-christian, the low income, the unintelligent. 
     As for my children's privacy and their childhood? Well, that has already been affected. They are suffering and will suffer the ramifications of what happened between their father and I for the rest of their lives. I am paying thousands of dollars for their therapy and my own... because we are all suffering. The day that I had to look at each of my children in the eye, separately and when the time came and they were ready and apologize to them for teaching them to keep secrets, for modeling for them how to stuff fear and pain and put on a front... was one of the worst days of my life. To realize that I had not modeled for them appropriate boundaries and proper self-respect, broke my heart. I hurt my babies as much as anything their father did to me. I had to take responsibility for that. My children have suffered greatly. They are fully aware of what was happening in our house. They saw more than even I realized. There is nothing I can do to take that away from them... but, I can begin to live differently. They have supported me so far in telling my story. They are aware of how hard we are all having to work to deal with the fallout from what has happened in our home and in our lives. They are not interested in reading my blog now, because frankly, I am the mom and that is how kids are. However, they know that I have chosen to open my mouth up about what has happened, and that I want to help others who might be suffering. They, too, do not want to see other families suffer and not know that there is help, there is an alternative, and that God is stronger than even the biggest abuser. 
     It is painful and humiliating at times to talk about what I have been through. It is even sadder to think that there is a woman or a child suffering that could be helped. I will not hide the freedom I have been given, and I will never back down from sharing my life openly... and if God can use my voice and my experience to help others... then I am here. 
     In the meantime, I will continue to pray for myself and my children and their father. I will continue to work on helping my children heal, and work towards my own healing. The true healer of my soul is God but I made decisions and choices that led to the brokenness in our lives, and I must work towards making new choices and learn new ways of behaving. But, I will do it out in the open. AND MAYBE, just maybe, God can use this for His glory.